The Difference

Loneliness is a lack, a feeling that something is missing, a pain, a depression, a need, an incompleteness, an absence.

Aloneness is presence, fullness, aliveness, joy of being, overflowing love. You are complete. Nobody is needed, you are enough.

The above phrases are borrowed from another website.

Definition of Alone

It's being without friends. reclusiveness. a disposition to prefer seclusion or isolation.
Alone is colorless unless reinforced by all; it then suggests solitariness or desolation: alone in the house; all alone on an island. Lone is somewhat poetic or is intended. Lonely implies a sad or disquieting feeling of isolation. Lonesome connotes emotion, a longing for companionship.

Love Ain't Enough

This is a very true song..........

Merry Christmas to All

Merry Christmas to you and yours this season........remember the reason !

And Yet

It seems that mo matter how hard you try to get a relationship to work properly, there will always be a fly in the pudding.  As of today, my man and I are in the seventh month of our relationship.  We have had our ups and downs, to say the least.  He has his ideas of how things should be and so do I.  This gives off turmoil at times and I'm sure the beer doesn't help either.  Somehow, we always manage to hold on to our union, which has helped us to realize we actually love each other.  Don't misunderstand, there have been times in we wanted to throw up our hands and give up.  If is wasn't for that love we both feel, I'm sure it would have already happened.  Those tender moments of love, are what seems to help us hold on to "us"!

Suddenly

From out of the blue a strength came to me and I know that God was behind it all.  I fell into this horrible depression about my relationship and there was no help in sight.  As I languished in my sadness and pain of loosing the one thing I so dearly desired, I found my heart reaching for help.  God, is the only one who can help when you get this far down.  I knew it, just was wanting to put my all into this relationship, and felt I was giving it all I had.  It looks as though I either gave too much too soon, or it still wasn't enough.  Either way the strength to get through today, is there and I am holding on to the one thing that can get me through.  God.  
As I work through the loneliness and uncertainties of the situation, I know that I can reach out to God, for help and strength to maintain each minute of the day.

Oh No

Well, the one thing I feared has happened.  He didn't answer my Text yesterday or call me last night.  Didn't even text me good night like he usually does.  Either he's lost his phone or something else has happened.  Then he could have gotten cold feet, too.  Either way, I'm going crazy from not knowing what's going on.  I am so scared that he decided to drop our relationship and not try.  Who knows maybe his ex-girlfriend came back and they got back together.  Either way, I wish he would just let me know ......this shit is killing me.

What's Wrong?

I sit around and moan about being alone.  I sit at the local bar and whine about men not wanting older women.  I get a sweet guy who wants my attentions, and I run from him?  What the hell is wrong with me?  
Well, I suppose that there was the element of the unknown that could have affected the actions I took.  Maybe, I was afraid of the age difference, considering I was 14 when he was born?  As you can tell, I'm stacking up the negative points that could go against the relationship.  I suppose I want to know more about him, his background and the person in general?  Who knows?  
My sister says, that I want someone but then when I get the chance to have someone I don't.  I believe it's the fear of commitment and loosing my freedom.  I believe that I've been abused one time too many in my life and am afraid of having that happen again.  Either way I ran away from what could have been, once again and here I sit .......ALONE!

Alone

I have found that the reports I've read about people who pull away from people and are alone. to be correct.  More and more I come to grips with the fact that I don't want to be out around certain people.  These people irk me and I don't like to be near them.  I have the right to choose who I interact with and who I don't.  The fact that I stay at home to be out of harm's way, is a must for me.  When I go out to do errands or other things, it seems that I'm finding people who could care less whether I'm there or not.  So, I find myself resorting to be obnoxious.  It gets attention.........not the good kind, but they know I'm alive.  Oh well, at least I've done that.

Yes I Did...

I spent Christmas at home alone, mostly because of the weather.  Other things were involved in some of the plans, but that's okay, because I was dreading part of the efforts. 
The weather took a turn for bad, with snow and freezing temps, so being home safe and warm is a good thing.  I can handle it, and the cat meows at me occasionally, which kills the silence.  When the power goes out it's quiet but mostly I'm on the internet when it's on.  So that kills the silence as well.  Good food helps and give me comfort which will show up around my middle and backside before long.  Still, I'm safe and warm and that is something to be thankful for.

Again

Well, it's Saturday night and here I sit at home alone, once again.  I got out of the house for awhile today, but since my eyes aren't doing too well with driving at night I made sure to get back home before dark.  It's an old person's thing..........and yes I'm getting older.  Pisses me off, but there's nothing I can do about it.  Being alone has come after many years of trying to have relationships and having them fall apart.  Today, it's better to be alone, than with someone who abuses me, emotionally, mentally and physically.  I can do without that and it's very hard to know who will be one way or the other.  It's sad that I've come to this, when all I ever wanted was a lasting love.  Guess the jokes on me?

Still At It

Once again I have to apologize for not writing as often as I should.  I've been in a drought of a sort.  It seems I loose interest in writing if there's not any money involved.  That stems from being a paid blogger, and now it's hard to get my moving.  Anyway, I've been staying home mostly, which means that I'm alone most of the time.
Today, I went out with my sister and her sister in law to lunch and shopping.  It was nice and I spent money I didn't need to, but what it's for if you can't enjoy it.  
Tomorrow, I go to a clinic to have my eyes checked for cataracts, and later on schedule surgery for removal.  It's scary thinking about someone messing with my eyes.  I guess that I should be thankful it's on that type of procedure, since my sister has had to have dire surgery on one of her eyes.  It's been a battle for her just to remain sane.  I only hope that everything goes well with the pre-evaluation of my eyes.

Phone Call

Last night I got a call from a guy who has been known to me for several years.  He is a "wanna be" and thinks that he can call me and talk anyway he wants to.  He only calls when he's drinking and that's nothing new.  I seem to the be woman they remember when they get drunk.  Now how the hell is that?  I guess I'm considered the fall back on type.  Either way I stood my ground when the crap talking came off.  Then I let him know that I was hanging up on him, because I could.  They don't like that very much.

Wanna Be

There's this guy who is 14 years older than me.  He would give his eye teeth to get between my legs.  Now, what I wonder is how a doctor can honestly give a prescription to a man his age for "viagra"?  I have this horrible picture of him checking out of this world in the midst of a private moment with me.  Can you imagine the things that some people who know us would say to that?  Oh man that would just make their day.  They wouldn't even consider the emotional trauma that I would experience if that did happen.  So, rather than have the opportunity to get in that dilemma I will politely decline his advances. 

Stuck

I was supposed to get out and go different places with my sister this morning, but at the last hour before she signed off last night, she decided not to do it.  Instead we will get moving around on Monday.  So, it's two days more to sit around this house and look at the four walls and my kitty.  She keeps me going with her crap, so I suppose I can handle 2 more days here.  I can get more cleaning done and the laundry needs to be finished.

Today

Here I sit once again, like everyday recently.  I'm always alone, and needing to be around people.  At the same time I am okay with being alone, because it keeps me out of trouble or unwanted trauma.  I have a situation that is keeping me here for a few more days, and that's okay as well.  It's my fault for getting into this situation and so I will serve my time.  When you trust more that yourself, this is what can happen.  Loyalty is not in the younger generation's vocabulary.  They are strictly out for themselves and to hell with everyone else.  Even family members.  If you believe in family loyalty these days, you are in for a rude awakening.  So, that's a part of why I am here.  Stupidity on my part.  It's a lesson well learned, that I will try not to allow to happen again.

Still

Here it is "Labor Day" and here I sit at the computer looking for something to do.  I once again am home alone, with only my thoughts and cat to entertain me.  She's in the front room sleeping after filling her stomach twice.  I've had my morning coffee, a few tidbits of food to sustain me and now am looking to wait out the rest of the day.  I put out some frozen meat to cook later this evening, and will marinate it in awhile, after it thaws.  The heat outside is starting to build, with the summer here in Texas once again giving us triple digit temperatures.  So, with the predictions being 101* degrees today, I will do my best to stay hydrated and cool.  That's my plans for the holiday, not much else to hope for being alone here in this house.  To all of you who have a life............please have fun and be safe while you enjoy today.

Another Day

Yesterday was a day of remorse.  I just can't seem to get it right no matter how I try.  These damn men, think I must be hard up for needing them.  This is so far from reality and they are esteeming themselves too high.  I don't need them........I would love to have someone.......but if it's going to be drama, trauma, abuse and crap then to hell with it.  I don't need being manipulated and talked to like I'm a child.  I well over the age of 21 and can take care of myself, thank you.
Damn, just when you think you've gotten rid of someone, they show up again.  Now, I got to go handle the situation that has arisen.  Will get back with you later about this one.

Again

You'd think I'd learn after all these years, about men.  Two topics are always on their minds...........sex, and food.  If he's not horny, then he's hungry.  Damn it, why in the hell don't they give me a chance.  Get to know me first before they want to jump in the sack with me?  Hell, I want to know what and who I'm laying down with.  He could be a serial rapists....a thief, a criminal on the loose...........I need to know that this person is above board, which is hard to connect with these days.  If I were young as I once was, then I might be stupid enough to jump in head first, without thinking.  Today, being mature gives me restraint when it comes to getting in the bed with a person, I just met.  It's only good sense to protect yourself, every way possible.  Damn these idiots that think I'm old and prudish. 

Sorry

Yeah, it's been awhile since I posted on here, but it's only because I've had to put up with crap that was always in the way.  As a matter of fact, all of my blogs have suffered because of one thing or another that has developed in my life.  I've been lonely and always trying to stay away from thinking about it.  Yet, there are times, I should be on here writing what I feel.  I think I want a relationship and then I start thinking about the pitfalls that come with one.  It's not long before I've talked myself out of it and am glad to be without someone in my life.  Guess I've just gotten old and set in my ways.  Lonely can wait on solitude and peace.