In A Hurry

I seem to be so full of emotions and not enough restraint.  Why have I allowed this person to fill my world with this new explosion I feel?  It's as if I've lost my mind, along with everything that I am.  I can't think straight and it's eating me alive.  I just want to be with him and show him all the affection I can.  I realize that I'm gushing and that is a bad thing.  I hope this doesn't run him away.

Oh No

Well, the one thing I feared has happened.  He didn't answer my Text yesterday or call me last night.  Didn't even text me good night like he usually does.  Either he's lost his phone or something else has happened.  Then he could have gotten cold feet, too.  Either way, I'm going crazy from not knowing what's going on.  I am so scared that he decided to drop our relationship and not try.  Who knows maybe his ex-girlfriend came back and they got back together.  Either way, I wish he would just let me know ......this shit is killing me.

Stupid Me

The hours go by so slowly, as I constantly think about you.......where you are......what your doing....wishing I could be with you.  Hoping someday I will be in your arms every night, holding you tight.  This new relationship is scaring me to death.  Fear grips me as I try and look toward a future ..........it takes over my very being, just wondering what will become of the "new us"?  I find myself praying for God's help to have you with me from now on.  It tears me apart to think a time will come when you will turn away from me.  I know nothing is promised in life.  Love however strong and lovely, can wain and fade.  Until I know for sure how you feel, I will be ever fearful of loosing what we have started.

Waiting

I spent the better part of yesterday, in eager anticipation of the phone call when he got off work.  My fear was that he would be so tired the he would go home, fall down and go to sleep.  Construction work is very taxing on a body.  He's not as young as some of the worker's so, it's even harder for his body to keep of the pace.  
His text or call is a precious time for me, and I relish is word that we speak to each other.  Soon I hope to be able to change the miles between us and make our life fulfilling together.  It's very hard to wait for our future to evolve.  The beginning has been so wonderful.  I in hog heaven, thank you God.

Getting Easier

Each day that passes gets a better grip on reality for me.  I've gone off the deep end with this one and so far the "pros" out weigh the "cons".  I'm in unfamiliar territory and it's scaring the hell out of me.  I feel so lucky and am afraid to tell very many people for fear of loosing it as fast as I got it.  It seems when I go around being happy about a relationship, all too soon my world comes crashing down around me.  This time has been so different and it's killing me to wait on it to build into something sound and firm.  Efforts are daily with communications and I can hardly wait to hear his voice on the phone.  He is wrapping my heart up into this great package and making it feel so warm and cared for.  Loosing him now would tear me apart.  I'm a person who falls in love too fast, and the feelings are growing with each passing minute and hour.  I'm ready to take our relationship further, but also realize that being sure is very important.  How do I wait without being a nutcase?  
Yesterday, I found myself sitting around all day hurting because I couldn't have it all as yet.  Man, I'm loosing it fast, and I see no hope for me.  This wonderful sweet guy has turned my world upside down.  Some one tell me how to hold myself down, while he gets closer?  I'm so ready to be with him each night, have a hot meal, waiting for the hard working man, who comes home tired at the end of the day.  Oh how, wonderful it will be if we can ever get to that point.  Please God, don't take this one away from me, unless you can see something in the future that wouldn't be right.

Didn't Give Up

It's been a week and a day since I met a man.  I don't know how to react to all the things that have materialized in the last few days.  When I'm unsure of myself, I talk continually and that's horrible.  At this point I wonder if I've turned him off with all my crap?  
I'm scared to death that I will fall in love with this sweet man.  I'm scared even more that he will decide he's not interested in who I maintain to be.  Hope springs from every beat of my heart.  Hell, I didn't think I had one left. Today, the questions are rushing through my head as I sit here writing. 
I suppose I will have to wait on his next move to see where I am with him?  My heart hurts to think I could try to believe in someone once again only to come up short of what I hoped would happen.  This getting to know someone the first few times, are pure "hell".

Oh Man

Feb. 10th, 2013 will be a day in my life to remember.  The week that followed was Valentine's week.  This added intrigue, excitement and emotional adventure.  Communication on a daily basis because something I looked forward to with eager anticipation.  
You see, I met this sweet man who has put my world into a tailspin.  One which I'm afraid I may never recover from.  Each day has been emotional, with the things that have been happening and being said.  It's scary and exciting.  For those who know me, they know I don't run from unsure things.  I investigate them, eagerly with excitement.  
The possibilities of this becoming a long term thing is mounting.  My heart flutters to think of what could evolve in the weeks and months to come.  I want so much for the waiting to be over.  Yet, I know that this is the learning part of any relationship.  Please God, don't let me mess this up!

What's Wrong?

I sit around and moan about being alone.  I sit at the local bar and whine about men not wanting older women.  I get a sweet guy who wants my attentions, and I run from him?  What the hell is wrong with me?  
Well, I suppose that there was the element of the unknown that could have affected the actions I took.  Maybe, I was afraid of the age difference, considering I was 14 when he was born?  As you can tell, I'm stacking up the negative points that could go against the relationship.  I suppose I want to know more about him, his background and the person in general?  Who knows?  
My sister says, that I want someone but then when I get the chance to have someone I don't.  I believe it's the fear of commitment and loosing my freedom.  I believe that I've been abused one time too many in my life and am afraid of having that happen again.  Either way I ran away from what could have been, once again and here I sit .......ALONE!