How Did I Get Here?

You find yourself in a mess, that was created by two people.  You and him!  The mess is causing you to figure out that he doesn't care anymore and your on the outside, looking in.  You are at the point that caring is more work than it worth.  So, why even try?  That's what you keep telling yourself, and there's so many answers you can find, if you want to stay where you are.  It's a bad thought, but sometimes, that's the only thing that looks feasible to you right then.  Getting out there and starting new, is very scary and hard to do.  Been there, done that.  Yes, I've been there, but I did it because there was no reason to stay.  The good was gone, my hurt was horrific and the kids were suffering because of our fighting.  Why, stay, why put the kids and myself through all the abuse?  Yes, there was plenty of it.  There was the down talking, the cussing, the knock downs, bruises, busted lips and many other assaults that were occurring weekly.  It's just that the time had come to get out before there was a fatality.  How, close did I get...........man, I don't even want to tell you.  There were many times, that I wondered if I would make it through that fight.  So, the person who had to be strong turned out to be me.  I had to devise a plan on the sly, to extricate me and the kids from the bad situation.  Still, there had to be some form of help on the other end of the exit.  Looking for help took longer than I planned and yet when the time came, it all fell into place.  How, thankful I was to be away from the situation and the person who was pursuing me.  Several times I would get caught out of the safe house by that person and had to run for dear life.  Sometimes, I didn't get away in time.  Still, I finally made the exit and got legal action going in my favor. 
Don't think for a minute that this was the end.  Nay, because I would get weak and go back.  For one reason or another I would go back to this person and hope they saw their wrongs in the situation.  It would be "honeymoon" for a few days and then the assaults would start all over again. 
How, many times did I go through this type of ordeal, you ask?  I don't know, but can admit that there were too many and I was the stupid person, who went back.  Believing and wanting to believe in what wasn't ever going to be, was part of my needy emotions. 
They say that the person who puts up with a person who is abusing them, is someone who is as sick as the one who is giving the abuse.  This statement is one that got my attention..........FINALLY!  

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